The Boy Ava Couldn’t Let Go
By Sunday night, Ava Monroe officially hated her own heart.
Not dramatically.
Quietly.
The way people hate storms they know they can’t stop.
Because no matter how many times she logically explained the situation to herself, emotions kept betraying her anyway.
Lucas cared about Hailey.
That part was obvious now.
He kissed her.
He held her hand.
He looked at her with softness that meant something real.
Ava understood all of that.
So why did her chest still tighten painfully every time her phone lit up with his name?
Why did she still look for him automatically in crowded hallways?
Why did she still remember the exact way his voice sounded when he whispered:
You don’t get to decide what I feel for me.
God.
That sentence alone ruined weeks of emotional self-control.
Ava sat curled near the dorm window while cold rain drifted softly against the glass outside. Her psychology textbook remained untouched beside her.
Across campus, lights glowed through darkness while students laughed somewhere far below.
Normal people.
People not emotionally destroying themselves over one boy.
Her roommate looked up from bed eventually.
“You’ve been staring at rain for like twenty minutes.”
Ava didn’t move.
“I’m thinking.”
“You’re suffering dramatically.”
Fair.
Ava finally leaned back against the wall while exhaustion settled heavily through her chest.
Because honestly?
She missed him already.
Even after everything.
Even knowing this entire situation would probably end painfully.
That was the worst part about love, maybe.
Sometimes your heart continued choosing someone long after logic begged it to stop.
Her phone buzzed suddenly beside her.
Ava froze immediately.
Lucas.
Of course.
For several seconds she only stared at the screen.
Then slowly opened the message.
Lucas:
Are you awake?
God.
One simple sentence shouldn’t affect her this much.
And yet her pulse instantly betrayed her anyway.
Ava typed slowly.
Ava:
Unfortunately.
Three dots appeared almost immediately.
Can I see you?
Her chest physically hurt reading that.
Because deep down, Ava already knew seeing him tonight was a terrible idea.
Which unfortunately meant she wanted to say yes even more.
Twenty minutes later, Ava found Lucas sitting alone outside the science building beneath weak yellow campus lights while mist drifted softly through cold night air.
The second he looked up and saw her approaching, relief crossed his face so openly it almost destroyed her emotionally on the spot.
God.
Why did he always look relieved by her specifically?
Ava wrapped her sweater tighter around herself while stopping beside the bench.
“You look exhausted.”
Lucas laughed weakly under his breath.
“That makes two of us.”
The quiet honesty in his voice settled between them immediately.
Ava sat beside him carefully while rain misted softly across empty sidewalks nearby.
For several moments, neither spoke.
Then finally Lucas whispered:
“I talked to Hailey.”
Pain flickered instantly through Ava’s chest.
Still.
Even now.
“What happened?”
Lucas leaned forward slightly with elbows resting against his knees.
“She told me she loves me.”
There it was.
Fully real now.
Ava looked down immediately toward her hands because she physically couldn’t stop the hurt from reaching her expression otherwise.
God.
Hearing it aloud felt worse somehow.
“She deserves honesty,” Lucas murmured quietly.
Ava forced herself to breathe evenly.
“Yes.”
Another silence followed.
Cold wind moved softly through the trees around them while distant thunder echoed somewhere far away again.
Then Lucas suddenly admitted:
“I didn’t tell her I loved her back.”
Ava’s head lifted instantly.
Lucas stared ahead toward empty campus pathways while speaking softly.
“Because I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love yet.” His voice lowered further. “And because every time I tried saying anything… I kept thinking about you.”
God.
The sentence hit her hard enough to make breathing uneven.
Ava looked away quickly toward the rain-dark campus.
Because hope was dangerous now.
Very dangerous.
“You shouldn’t say things like that,” she whispered.
“Why?”
“Because I want to believe them.”
Lucas turned toward her immediately after hearing that.
And suddenly the atmosphere shifted again.
Too intimate.
Too emotional.
Ava hated how vulnerable she felt around him lately.
Nobody usually reached these parts of her.
Nobody usually noticed her enough to hurt her this deeply either.
Lucas studied her quietly beneath dim campus lights.
Then softly:
“Why do you keep acting like caring about you is impossible?”
The question shattered something inside her instantly.
Because he didn’t understand.
He genuinely didn’t.
Ava laughed quietly to herself before looking down again.
“You wanna know something pathetic?”
Lucas stayed silent.
“In high school, I spent two years in love with a guy who only talked to me when he needed homework help.” A faint painful smile touched her mouth. “Before that, there was another one who told me I was ‘almost pretty enough to date.’”
God.
The anger that hit Lucas hearing that surprised even him.
Ava noticed immediately.
Of course she did.
“That face right there,” she murmured softly. “That’s why you’re dangerous.”
Lucas frowned slightly.
“What?”
“You care too much.”
The sadness in her voice hurt.
Ava wrapped her arms tighter around herself before continuing quietly.
“Girls like Hailey get chosen immediately. Loudly. Publicly.” Her gray eyes softened painfully. “Girls like me get almosts.”
The sentence physically ached inside Lucas’s chest.
Because suddenly he understood the real depth of her fear.
Ava wasn’t scared of losing him because she was weak.
She was scared because life had taught her people usually left eventually.
Lucas turned toward her completely now.
“Ava…”
“No, let me finish.”
Rain drifted softly around them while her voice trembled slightly for the first time since he met her.
“I know you care about me. That’s the problem.” She swallowed hard. “Because if you didn’t, I could walk away.” Her eyes finally met his. “But every time you look at me like this…”
God.
Lucas’s heartbeat became painfully uneven.
Because he knew exactly how he was looking at her right now.
Like she mattered.
Deeply.
Dangerously.
Ava laughed weakly under her breath.
“You make me feel chosen for like five seconds at a time.” Her voice cracked softly. “And then I remember you kissed somebody else.”
The sentence shattered him completely.
Because there it was.
The entire tragedy of this situation reduced into one heartbreaking truth.
Lucas reached for her hand instinctively again.
This time, Ava’s fingers trembled slightly when they intertwined.
Neither spoke afterward.
They just sat there beneath mist and campus lights holding onto each other quietly while emotions tangled painfully between them.
Then suddenly Lucas whispered the thing he’d been terrified to admit even to himself.
“I think I’m falling for you too.”
Silence.
Complete silence.
Ava stopped breathing for a second.
Because despite everything…
despite all the signs and tension and almost-confessions…
hearing the words aloud still felt impossible.
Lucas looked at her carefully while fear and honesty mixed together inside his expression.
And God—
he meant it.
Ava saw that immediately.
Which somehow made tears burn unexpectedly behind her eyes.
Because this wasn’t one-sided anymore.
That should’ve made things beautiful.
Instead…
it only made everything more heartbreaking.
Ava closed her eyes briefly while emotion crashed painfully through her chest.
Then softly, almost like she hated herself for saying it, she whispered:
“You should’ve met me before her.”